we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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