this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
