I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
