i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize