We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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