hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
