Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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