I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
