i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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