The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize