very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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