If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
