I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize