i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
