I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
