She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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