i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it glows. i had to have it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
