I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
