can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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