onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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