I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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