Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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