Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize