we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
