Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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