last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
