dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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