Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
