you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Green mimosas i think yes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
