super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
