So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
