I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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