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put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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