well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
