The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
