Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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