we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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