Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
