Well douche your snatch and let's go!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
