i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
