Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
