Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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