then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
