Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just puked most of my soul out..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
