Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
