therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
