Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
