So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
