Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
