Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
