he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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