I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
