omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
