Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
