And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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