the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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