there was a trapeze. enough said
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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