Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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