Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
