had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize