dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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