His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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