but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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