I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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