You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Enjoy the penises
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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