you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize