Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
