Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
