cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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