I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize