I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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