They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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