the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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