You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
