fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
