he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize