And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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