If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
