This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize