census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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