My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
