make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
