On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
