I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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