The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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