Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
