I just pynch a tree in the face
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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