My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You pole danced in your parka.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
