i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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