you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
