i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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