I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
